On A Personal Note: Insecurities.

Hello All,
I'm doing something different today, you may hate it,but whatever.
I am a pretty open person when it comes to my issues. I am on anti-depressants,I used to see a therapist once a week,and my mind would take me to dark places.
I became an open human being because of these things. I understood that the people who care will always be there for you to let your heart out,and speak what was swirling through your head. And what I discovered is,though we all are from different walks of life, there is usually someone out there who can relate to you. And a big one I come in contact with is insecurities.
So maybe I can share, and it could possibly help anyone out there who has been in my place.

A big insecurity that drug me down for the longest time,was boys. I don't need a lecture or anything like that, I know it is a stupid reason to be sad. But it sucked hearing how hot your roommate is, or your friend, or your mom(yeah, got that a lot, but hey, thats what I'll look like in 25 years).
I heard it from everyone. It got to the point where I didn't even like to talk to guys because they usually went after my friend that I was with. And also being bullied in middle school AND high school, by a dude, didn't make it any easier.
I would also get sad when I would compare myself to other girls. I was jealous,and became hateful. Thats why I went through a big Taylor Swift hating phase(she's so pretty and nice,I just want to be her when I grow up gahhh). I would see the girls I went to high school with, come into my work(I wait tables at one of the most popular restaurants in town) and treat me like complete garbage. And keep in mind, I used to be best friends with these girls. So that was hard.Like, you can look me in the eye when you order your diet coke, thanks.

As one of my friends/support systems would tell me "come on,shake the dust kace", as in "let all of the shit go Kacie,why does it bother you so much?". I found it difficult to do. And my anxiety was sky rocketing. I let other people inflict crippling damage to my self esteem,and I never felt okay in my own skin.

In order to help yourself through these issues, you have to start doing things for yourself, and believing in yourself. And it won't happen over night. But after months of working on myself,I woke up and realized that this is my journey, and I choose happiness. I chose to start doing things to get my own approval. Not some stinky boy, or some girls that I will never be good enough for. I needed to be good enough for myself. I needed to take off the labels that I mentally tattooed onto my skin like "fucked up" or "unwanted". Become more of a person that I would want to meet.
After that, my confidence soared and my smile shined a little brighter. Even when people ask me why I'm so mad,its called Resting Bitch Face Syndrome,and its genetic.
My point is, is that your happiness is in your hands, and it is something you will have to work for. Choose your path, and decide to kick your insecurities' ass. Like I've said before, impress the hell out of yourself.
My battle with depression and anxiety isn't over yet. But I have never felt this happy and strong. And I'll be damned if someone takes that away from me.


idk if I'll ever do this again.
love,
kacie.

My 20's

My 20th birthday is approaching, a wonderful but awkward age. A brand new chapter that I'm anxious to start. When we are 17,we think we know everything. And when we wake up at 20 we understand that we know absolutely nothing(and that our mother's are right about everything).
I look up to my older girlfriends/family members so much. They are fiercely independent,wise,and honest. Which is what brought me to this post. I asked the women in my life a few questions, like "what is a lesson you learned in your 20's?" and "what advice would you give to me coming into my 20's?". The responses were vast,honest,and inspiring. They came from different women that are in different walks in life, which explored every angle for me. After gathering all of the results, I went to sleep that night feeling wonderful and less anxious about this new world I'm stepping into.
And I hope this gives you a little inspiration and comfort as well.

These are the responses from real women about what they learned in their 20's,and the advise they want to pass on:

Heartbreak is not the end of the world. It is an opportunity.


Cherish the ones you love, nothing is more important than friends and family. Without them, you have nothing.Take care of the ones who take care of you.


Let go of unhealthy relationships. Not every relationship is meant to last forever.


If you're not happy, change it.


Tequila is not always the answer.


Learn the difference between who to f*ck, and who to marry.


Life gets busier,don't take lazy days for granted.


You finally learn to say no. If you get a job offer that isn't for you,or you get asked out and you don't  want to go,or your friends want you to go out but you're too tired. You learn to say no to all of it,and gain control.


Impress yourself,it is the only opinion that matters.


You are not invincible, JAIL IS REAL.


You have time.


You are in control of all things that happen to you. If you are feeling negative,negativity is sure to follow.Wake up everyday and take the day by the balls,and dust away the negativity.Perception and attitude is key.


Learning God's unfailing love. Beginning to look at life differently and see how good God is. Meeting people who show you God's love, and help you experience it more.


Care about you ,and what you want. You can people please all you want,but you will lose yourself in the process.


Being an adult sucks,enjoy what you have now.


Life is too short to stay with someone who makes you miserable.Believe in you,and know that you are awesome. And someone equally awesome will come along.

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Special thanks to all the ladies who contributed. I love you all,
Kacie.

Wildest Dreams

So I am obsessed with Taylor Swift's new music video for her song Wildest Dreams. It has beautiful cinematography, fashion,and leading men(Heyyy Scott Eastwood). Shot in Africa, the video plays out as an old Hollywood love story, also a realistic love story. I loved that things didn't work out between the two characters in the end. Its very honest and realistic,because all love stories don't always end up with the couple riding into the sunset. This shit tugs on your heart strings.
Anyways, I love the old Hollywood/1950's theme that is this video. I have always love the 40's through the 60's. Things were so glamorous and complicated. The fashion is absolutely breath taking, which is why I'm blogging about a music video.
Taylor takes on an "Elizabeth Taylor" type character, which she completely aced it. Then Scott Eastwood took on a Marlon Brando persona.If you don't know young Marlon Brando, I'll que you in. He was FREAKING GORGEOUS.

 For the first part of the video you see the pair in safari type clothes which resemble the aimed era. She rocks her classic red lip for most of the video,as well as a dark wig.

Even the more sexier parts are tasteful and truthful to the era, There wasn't much lingerie back in those days considering that women's undergarments were very intricate and detailed. The fancy lingerie we have now is based on what women wore everyday under their clothes decades ago. 

It cuts to her in other parts with her in a long, gorgeous yellow dress being blown with a vintage fan. 

And in a silver, high leg slitted number, with a lion. Also in a plane soaring over the African wildlife. 

Nuff said.

 

Then at the end she is in this gorgeous Christian Siriano Gown.

Tragically beautiful, which completely embodies the video. 

What I love about Taylor and her team is that they think everything out,and pay close attention to detail.  The sets,fashion,actors. Everything. They make something very beautiful,and intersting to watch. 

I highly suggest you check it out. You know how to internet.Go to youtube and watch it.Also all the proceeds that this video makes, goes to African Wildlife. SO WATCH IT FOR THE GIRAFFES.

Love,

Kacie.